i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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