It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
