drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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