peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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