You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
