I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
