When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
