Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
