If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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