I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
