I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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