What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
