He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
