Kareoke will never be a sober sport
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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