So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
