When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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