I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Randomize
