my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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