I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
