Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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