it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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