Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize