Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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