I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
