??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
