the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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