This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
