literally had 100 drinks last night.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
