first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
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