..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
