i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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