I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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