no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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