im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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