there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
