i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
A bitchslap is in order.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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