i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
