I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
