You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
