So drunk its hurt
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
