Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
