Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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