Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
