The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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