I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
