yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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