Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
