O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
