Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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