Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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