He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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