My cat gives me a boner
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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