Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
