the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
