I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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