If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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