so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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