she woke up with a sticky ear
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
