So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
