So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
