At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
