sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Vodka?
Forever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
