We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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