So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
