So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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