Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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