I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
