u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
