2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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