I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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