i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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