You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Randomize
