Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
