I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize